Friday, 31 August 2012

42-Year-Old email!

I totally just got an email from 1970; look! (I pinked out the other emails as a few of them were embarrassing!)

I took a picture of it, but when I looked for it on my computer, it wasn't there, then I looked back on my phone and IT HAD VANISHED.  I'm glad I took a picture of this otherwise everyone would think I had gone CRAZY!!!!

What the fudge is going on? Did they even have email in 1970? I have a couple of theories; both of which seem equally plausible:

Any other suggestions are welcome, but we all know it couldn't have been some kind of random glitch as iPhones never go wrong.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Green Woodpeckers

When I was in Buxton I hurt my back badly and got diagnosed with something called ‘acute lumbago’; it’s better now but I’m still kind of addicted to my pain medication and it’s almost run out which isn’t that funny, but something rather amusing did happen as a result of me taking the medication.

I love overhearing little bits of people’s conversations.  When you don’t actively listen to something, the odd phrase that you do hear can sound very silly indeed.  For example, I was once walking past three of my dinner ladies at school and I heard one of them say to the others:

“And of course I STUPIDLY threw my shoes away before buying another pair…”

I laughed like a drain!

But my favourite ever overhear was at Buxton two weeks ago.  I was kind of drifting in and out of the conversation (I couldn’t help but overhear because they were speaking across a room to each other) and I heard a man say this:

“Everywhere I go, I see this pair of green woodpeckers…”

I’m not mocking the man who said it in any way because it actually made perfect sense in the context of the conversation, but due to me being completely loopy on pain medication I decided that this was the funniest thing I had ever heard in my life and I didn’t stop giggling for about twenty minutes, making Foofy very confused as he had no idea what I was laughing at.  I couldn’t help but picture this:

This would be all the funnier if he had been hallucinating the green woodpeckers and ended up having to get medical attention to fix it.  I hope that’s not actually the case or I’d feel very embarrassed.

Friday, 24 August 2012

Pigeons (cooooooo...)

I think pigeons must be some of the most misunderstood creatures in the world.  Everyone else sees them as dirty, flea-ridden animals, or ‘rats with wings’, but I just see very beautiful birds.  Having said that, I love rats too, but that’s another story.  Of course, there are many different kinds of pigeon too; the ones we see in forests and in the country are bigger and more beautiful (i.e. Pidgeots), while the ones that live in town are smaller (i.e. Pidgeottos).  Some town pigeons are so small and scraggly that they are merely Pidgeys.  (This is, of course, Pokemon terminology, but I think it’s very relevant here.)  Whatever their size or condition, all these pigeons deserved to be loved; even the one that flew directly into my face when I was 15. 

One of the conditions for marrying me is that you’d be willing to feed a town pigeon from your hand.  (I understand they are dirty, but this is precisely why hand sanitizer exists in my opinion.) Pigeons are creatures completely untouched by human kindness; they are used to being shooed away and kicked at by people, so when a person comes down to their level and chooses to feed them from their hand, to me, that is a very special person.  To bring love and kindness to a being that may never have experienced love or kindness in its life is, I think, a wonderful thing to do.  (This lack of love mustn’t be through anything blameworthy, however; I’m not saying that hand-feeding Hitler would have been a particularly good thing to do; besides, he was completely capable of using his own hands.) Hitler aside, I like pigeons, as I like pretty much every animal.  Even the ones that walk around on dissolved stumps of feet through continued exposure to Ammonia.

Although people hate pigeons, they were very distressed when one was eaten alive by a Pelican in St. James’ park a few years ago; the pigeon struggled helplessly for about half an hour before it was swallowed in front of a crowd of screaming children.  You can find a picture of the actual incident here:

In fact, the whole blog post is very funny; the picture of the pelican trying to eat the cat is my favourite.

One man said the following on his Twitter account:

St James Park has had pelicans since (I think) the reign of King James 1; recently one disgraced itself by eating one of London's pigeons in front of an assembled crowd of tourists!

I don’t know if this man meant what he said or not, but the idea of a pelican ‘disgracing itself’ amuses me no end; it’s such a  British reaction to natural behaviour amongst animals.  Poor pelican! (Poor pigeon, for that matter!) I imagine it being slowly marched out of St. James Park hanging its head with all the other pelicans yelling insults at it:

I also hear that pigeons are delicious deep-fried, but I have never tried one myself.  All in all, pigeons are a useful part of society, and showing them a bit of affection once in a while is no bad thing. 

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Another Joke

Apologies for the week long hiatus; I wanted to enjoy my last week with Foofy as much as possible.  Don't worry, he's not dead, he's just gone to America for a bit.  Not sure which is worse to be honest.  Hopefully this will make up for the wait:

Monday, 13 August 2012


If you visit Nando's restaurant eight times, you get a free half-chicken.

Saturday, 4 August 2012


I am one of the clumsiest and stupidest people I know; I surprise myself daily with the kind of situations I seem to find myself in:

I often get so excited about food that I forget to use oven gloves:

And I’ve been trapped a couple of times in the bike carriage at Slough.

There was also the time I slipped reaching for a bottle of bitter lemon at Morrisons:

And this has happened a fair few times:

But this is the worst of them all:

I have three Masters Degrees.